Growing past the pain

There has to be an alternative to the hurt caused by loneliness brought to light by the Valentine’s day celebrations. Please not I said brought to light and not caused by because these feelings existed even before Valentine’s day came around. The arrival of Valentine’s magnifies the sense of loss and aloneness.


So it begs the question: How does one get past these feelings of hurt and loss?

In reality there’s no quick fix but healing starts with self-love. Ha! I know that sounds so cliché but it is really the depth or start of the healing process. Remember that the disappointment felt from loss could create an inner sense of unworthiness to receive love, a sense of loss, or an indescribable anger.


Self-love is regard for one's own well-being and happiness. Sometimes people say it is selfish but we can’t love others if we don’t love ourselves. There are some relatively simple things we can do to care for ourselves.


1. Set boundaries: there have to be limits to who comes close, what you allow into your life and how often you allow it.


2. Build a community: It takes a village to remain balanced in life and we must all build a nurturing community that will push us to balance.


3. Declutter: get rid of anything that is just taking up space including relationships, thoughts, dreams, clothing, household items etc. anything that isn’t in use or adding value must be removed.


4. Build a strong spiritual faith: we are all spiritual beings and a deep conviction and commitment to God gives the strength needed to navigate obstacles, find clarity and keep going even in the most trying times.


5. Do something you are good at: there is at least one thing each of us does and does well, that brings joy and light into our lives. These are habits that must be nutured as they bring positive energy


6. Learn to let go: holding onto emotions, places, things or people that do not build us will break us down so we must learn to deal with things decisively and then let go. It is letting go that we reduce the burdens we bear and therefore have more clarity.


7. Stop comparisons: each of us is special and unique and can never be like the rest. When we understand who we are and what we are here for very specific and complimentary reasons so we strive to


8. Take a step, however small: set goals and keep moving towards them even if they are just small steps. The progress will give you strength and courage to trust yourself.


9. Take your thoughts captive: do not allow your thoughts to run wild. There are thoughts that can derail you from the path so make sure that any thought that is outside the direction of focus are dealt with and brought back on track.


10. Sleep and eat well: set and keep a regular bed time and eat well. Eating depends on each person and their lifestyle but ensure that your food is nourishing.


11. Forgive yourself: make peace with your past. Deal with the past and all its baggage accepting yourself and all the mistakes made then forgive yourself and move on. Forgiveness is for you than for others.


12. Be intentional: have a clear plan and work diligently on it. Despite all the challenges that come your way choose to remain the course. The daily growth and improvement will give you fuel.


Love yourself as it will give you the fuel you need for the rest of your days.




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